What is a relationship? When is a relationship defined? Most relationships have boundaries, especially the conventional ones. But what about those which exist but which do not fall into straitjackets? Are they relationships at all? If not, then what are they? Is there a term for them?
Most relationships in the world are formal, symbiotic. You give me this and I give you that. It is a lot of sharing of material and sometimes emotional needs. But what about involuntary, mental, undefined ones? A deep connection, but no definitions or boundaries, across countries and continents? ...Too many questions....
I came across this article by Janina Gomes in the Times of India and felt that all along what I had been writing especially in my poems is captured in this article. So that makes my thoughts common, everyday human stuff, no different from the mundane. But anyway here is the article and I have highlighted parts which I have dwelt on in my previous writings. So here goes...
Relationships thrive on kindness and love
JANINA GOMES
12 September 2009, 12:00am IST
Human beings are born in relationship and the lives we lead right from infancy to old age are anchored in relationships. It is in relationship that What bliss it is to love and be loved (Getty Images)
we grow and achieve adulthood and die in the final peace that comes through dying in a trusting relationship with God.
There are many views on the nature of human relationships. In practice, however, it is the day-to-day relationships that must survive the wear and tear of daily life. Sometimes we find that in order not to sour a relationship, it is better to keep a distance. At other times, a clean break becomes necessary. We need to learn to cultivate relationships in a way that there is room for love, mutual respect and space for the other to grow.
At work the equations are different. In an office or a work environment, in which hierarchy is important, relationships tend to remain at a rather superficial level. There is a certain give and take in official relationships, but they rarely survive once we are out of that particular work situation and environment.
The family, which was once the primary environment for close relationships, is no longer so for many because the sanctity of relationships is under threat. When mistrust and insecurity make demands of family life cloying, we might have to make that extra effort to strike a balance that will restore the pristine nature of the original relationship.
Relationships become our chief means of reaching God. Ritual, common prayer, worship and solidarity are all conventional ways to do this. If we wish to take the relationship still further, we might have to establish a more personal link with God. Sometimes, the give and take of ordinary relationships creates a gentle arc that connects us to the Divine.
Conversations are an important way of building up relationships. They could be silent or expressed vocally. Such relationships look beyond a given set of circumstances for a wider, deeper perspective, to understand the truth that lies beneath what is apparent on the surface.
The longer we live and the more experienced we are, our ability to discern the true nature of relationships improves. We are able to take considered decisions on whether to continue with a certain relationship or call it quits without acrimony or hatred.
When we cultivate virtues like patience, compassion, mutual respect and a loving nature, we are well on the way to touching the heart of God, whose reflection we see in other human beings. God invites us through the diversity and wealth of His Creation, to a relationship of universal love. To love His Creation is to love God.
Any relationship that is nurtured for selfish motives and which is vulnerable to feelings of jealousy, hate and suspicion cannot last for it is not founded on unselfish love. And without the ingredient of love, a relationship lacks the spark that can help take it forward towards higher dimensions.
We might remember those who built empires or created elaborate monuments for themselves in the course of remembering inconsequential details of material achievements. Immortal memories ^ in our collective consciousness ^ would however be made up of those acts of kindness and love that came unsolicited, or of those who nudged us on to the path to finding God, to share with us the divine experience of unalloyed bliss.
Saturday, 12 September 2009
Thursday, 3 September 2009
Looking for a problem?
Someone really special told me that I had no real problems in life and hence I was looking for one. That bewildered me for a moment, but set me thinking. Do we give importance to trivial issues a little too much? I considered myself a die-hard optimist, but sometimes I come across as a rebel without a cause. Yesterday someone mentioned this video and for millions in the world, this is an inspirational video on how to be happy. I can relate to it in a limited way because of my sister who also suffers from the same terminal illness, and I would like to wish that she recovers completely. But this video is worth a look and the end is going to bring a lump to your throat. So, are we looking for problems till we get one serious one to concentrate on?
Wednesday, 2 September 2009
Into the future--another world
Financial engineering, destination management, intuitive management, fashion space...what do these terms mean? Ask me, nothing!
I happened to attend a career counselling workshop at my daughter's school this afternoon and have come out with my head buzzing, not with ideas but trying to keep track of the new fangled courses and careers the lady spoke about.
Well, she waxed eloquent about how this century is going to be the Indian one and India with its young skilled talent population will get back its glory after 15 centuries after the golden age of the Gupta dynasty. Quite a pipedream, I must say.
Then she talked about the futuristic courses that are going to be popular, and when someone asked her if these courses will sustain, she did not have much of an answer.
She asked us to let our daughters follow their dreams and not burden them for careers they do not have an aptitude for or are not inclined.
Fine, but we as parents today in India are a confused generation. On one hand we want our daughters to do what their hearts tell them to and on the other, we give premium, voice our admiration for those children who are successful in entering time tested professions like doctors, engineers, bureaucrats, lawyers. So where do we take it from here? We are pulled by our own parents' conditioning over the years and we are unable to shake off the yoke and on the other we want our children to live their dreams....
All the girls were put through an aptitude test and my daughter is naturally inclined towards creative design. I had known this all along, but never paid heed to it. Her sketches, dressing up her little sister with odds and ends, styling hair, teaming up scarves and jackets creatively all to make a fashion statement... Her quick understanding of all the designer shows on television which I constantly feel are a waste of time. But now the prospect of competing and getting into Design School is looming large over her head. So, where am I?
I happened to attend a career counselling workshop at my daughter's school this afternoon and have come out with my head buzzing, not with ideas but trying to keep track of the new fangled courses and careers the lady spoke about.
Well, she waxed eloquent about how this century is going to be the Indian one and India with its young skilled talent population will get back its glory after 15 centuries after the golden age of the Gupta dynasty. Quite a pipedream, I must say.
Then she talked about the futuristic courses that are going to be popular, and when someone asked her if these courses will sustain, she did not have much of an answer.
She asked us to let our daughters follow their dreams and not burden them for careers they do not have an aptitude for or are not inclined.
Fine, but we as parents today in India are a confused generation. On one hand we want our daughters to do what their hearts tell them to and on the other, we give premium, voice our admiration for those children who are successful in entering time tested professions like doctors, engineers, bureaucrats, lawyers. So where do we take it from here? We are pulled by our own parents' conditioning over the years and we are unable to shake off the yoke and on the other we want our children to live their dreams....
All the girls were put through an aptitude test and my daughter is naturally inclined towards creative design. I had known this all along, but never paid heed to it. Her sketches, dressing up her little sister with odds and ends, styling hair, teaming up scarves and jackets creatively all to make a fashion statement... Her quick understanding of all the designer shows on television which I constantly feel are a waste of time. But now the prospect of competing and getting into Design School is looming large over her head. So, where am I?
Tuesday, 1 September 2009
Beautiful lives
August has been a cruel month...A month of endings of beautiful things. Nothing personal about it, but we saw the passing away of two timeless Indian beauties...Maharani Gayatri Devi of Jaipur and Leela Naidu, a breathtakingly beautiful Indian actress of yesteryears.
Also the end of the month signified the 12th death anniversary of Princess Diana, one of my favourite women in the contemporary world. There were a spate of movies connected with her on HBO and I saw two of them....'The Queen' and 'The Murder of Princess Diana.' Both superb movies and fitting tributes to the Peoples' Princess.
Princess Diana changed the whole idea of royalty, she brought a whole new world of humaneness to the word. And she, like other ordinary women, suffered from neglect and betrayal from her husband, which made her vulnerable and she sought true love for most of her life. Sad, but cannot help thinking, if it can happen to her, it could happen to anyone.
Friday, 21 August 2009
What Makes The World Go Round?
This week has been manic! A VIP visit in our patch, a mid term review, hourly meetings, telecons, zero carb lunches, tummy crunches and an MBA project which I can never get down to starting!! Whew!
But I finished the week with a conversation so refreshing... Brought my faith back in mankind. Gosh, genuine people are rare and I am happy I know one of them.....
I got out of office with a smile on my face Friday evening and headed to Oxford Bookstore, my favourite haunt when in a good mood. Just browsing around and I did not find anything particularly interesting. Suddenly, near the cash counter I saw a basket filled with tiny bound books...generic stuff about cats, sisters, and other inane things, My glance rested awhile on a small gold coloured cover which had multicoloured hearts in it.
The title...'Love makes the world go round' a Helen Exley giftbook....Intriguing, especially for me for whom words like 'love' and 'relationships' mean nothing except looking back in anger....
However, I made this tiny purchase to understand what the whole great concept of love was about. If you may have noticed, I have never mentioned the word 'love' in this blog, except once, since I have never understood what it is. I particularly dislike the l-word because it comes with inherent boundaries, which limits the whole idea of something beautiful. Then there are questions of what one means, one says and one does.....They necesarily not always match...Really dicey.
However, on my way back home, I riffled through the pages and here are some lovely lines which I did not expect. Some were corny, but some really genuine... So here goes..
Love lives the moment; it's neither lost in yesterday nor does it crave for tomorrow. Love is NoW!
Age does not protect you from love. But love to some extent, protects you from age.
To love someone is to be the only one to see a miracle invisible to others.
Love is the poetry of the senses.
Couple who love each other tell each other a thousand things without talking.
I see her everyday and always see her for the first time.
And finally....
Love consists in this: that two solitudes protect and touch and greet each other...
Saturday, 15 August 2009
Many languages, one feeling
Modern India completes 62 years. A slow process of ageing, but no real maturity, is only one way to describe it. Many interpretations of high GDP growth rates, but how many people pulled up from below poverty line? We don't know. So what do we do with these empty numbers?
This blog headline symbolises my country as also myself. People speak different languages, have different cultures, but for those who are special, there is only one feeling.
I had been pondering over some valuable advice given to me recently. I do take some advice quite seriously as I am doing with this. I was asked to learn a new language.. Persian or Urdu and for the first time in my life, I am giving it a thought. Three Persian/Urdu words today which are special to me Falak (Sky, infinity) Fanaa (perdition) and my most favourite Aqueedat (devotion, adoration).
And here are some words which come to me when I think of the adviser
Kind
Caring
Comfortable
Confident
Trustworthy
Safe
Soul
Peace
This blog headline symbolises my country as also myself. People speak different languages, have different cultures, but for those who are special, there is only one feeling.
I had been pondering over some valuable advice given to me recently. I do take some advice quite seriously as I am doing with this. I was asked to learn a new language.. Persian or Urdu and for the first time in my life, I am giving it a thought. Three Persian/Urdu words today which are special to me Falak (Sky, infinity) Fanaa (perdition) and my most favourite Aqueedat (devotion, adoration).
And here are some words which come to me when I think of the adviser
Kind
Caring
Comfortable
Confident
Trustworthy
Safe
Soul
Peace
Friday, 14 August 2009
What's your type?
I recently underwent a very interesting psychometric test which gave me a lot about myself I did'nt know.
The Myers Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI) which gave the verdict that I was INTP. Stands for Introvert, Intuitive, Thinking, Perceptive. A strange mix, if contradictory, I personally think. But this is one of the 16 personality type found in human beings.
A lot of my colleagues were surprised to find that I was an introvert. That goes to show how successfully I have worked at reaching out to people and socialising when I would rather be at home, sitting on my favourite chair, reading a book or pottering at my blog....
All my readers who have undergone this test, please comment with your type and that will help me know you better. :-) I realise now that most other people who I have thought to be kindred souls have been introverts.
Here is a snapshot for knowing the real me as spelt out in Wikipedia...
INTP types are quiet, thoughtful, analytical individuals who enjoy spending long periods of time on their own, working through problems and forming solutions. They are curious about systems and how things work. Consequently, they are frequently found in careers such as science, architecture, and law. INTPs tend to be less at ease in social situations or in the "caring professions," although they enjoy the company of those who share their interests. They also tend to be impatient with the bureaucracy, rigid hierarchies, and the politics prevalent in many professions. They prefer to work informally with others as equals.
INTPs organize their understanding of any topic by articulating principles, and they are especially drawn to theoretical constructs. Having articulated these principles for themselves, they can demonstrate remarkable skill in explaining complex ideas to others in simple terms, especially in writing. On the other hand, their ability to grasp complexity may also lead them to provide overly detailed explanations of "simple" ideas, and listeners may judge that the INTP makes things more difficult than they are. To the INTP, however, this is incomprehensible: They are merely presenting all the information.
Given their independent nature, INTPs may prefer working alone to leading or following in a group. During interactions with others, if INTPs are focused on gathering information, they may seem oblivious, aloof, or even rebellious—when in fact they are concentrating on listening and understanding. However, INTPs' extraverted intuition often gives them a quick wit, especially with language. They may defuse tension through comical observations and references. They can be charming, even in their quiet reserve, and are sometimes surprised by the high esteem in which their friends and colleagues hold them.
When INTPs feel insulted, however, they may respond with sudden, cutting criticism. After such an incident, INTPs are likely to be as bewildered as the recipient. They have broken the rules of debate and exposed their raw emotions. To INTPs, this is the crux of the problem: emotions must be dealt with logically—because improperly handled emotions, INTPs believe, can only harm
Another insight...Cohorts have reason to believe that Albert Einstein was an INTP..ahem, that explains a lot of things...:-))
The Myers Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI) which gave the verdict that I was INTP. Stands for Introvert, Intuitive, Thinking, Perceptive. A strange mix, if contradictory, I personally think. But this is one of the 16 personality type found in human beings.
A lot of my colleagues were surprised to find that I was an introvert. That goes to show how successfully I have worked at reaching out to people and socialising when I would rather be at home, sitting on my favourite chair, reading a book or pottering at my blog....
All my readers who have undergone this test, please comment with your type and that will help me know you better. :-) I realise now that most other people who I have thought to be kindred souls have been introverts.
Here is a snapshot for knowing the real me as spelt out in Wikipedia...
INTP types are quiet, thoughtful, analytical individuals who enjoy spending long periods of time on their own, working through problems and forming solutions. They are curious about systems and how things work. Consequently, they are frequently found in careers such as science, architecture, and law. INTPs tend to be less at ease in social situations or in the "caring professions," although they enjoy the company of those who share their interests. They also tend to be impatient with the bureaucracy, rigid hierarchies, and the politics prevalent in many professions. They prefer to work informally with others as equals.
INTPs organize their understanding of any topic by articulating principles, and they are especially drawn to theoretical constructs. Having articulated these principles for themselves, they can demonstrate remarkable skill in explaining complex ideas to others in simple terms, especially in writing. On the other hand, their ability to grasp complexity may also lead them to provide overly detailed explanations of "simple" ideas, and listeners may judge that the INTP makes things more difficult than they are. To the INTP, however, this is incomprehensible: They are merely presenting all the information.
Given their independent nature, INTPs may prefer working alone to leading or following in a group. During interactions with others, if INTPs are focused on gathering information, they may seem oblivious, aloof, or even rebellious—when in fact they are concentrating on listening and understanding. However, INTPs' extraverted intuition often gives them a quick wit, especially with language. They may defuse tension through comical observations and references. They can be charming, even in their quiet reserve, and are sometimes surprised by the high esteem in which their friends and colleagues hold them.
When INTPs feel insulted, however, they may respond with sudden, cutting criticism. After such an incident, INTPs are likely to be as bewildered as the recipient. They have broken the rules of debate and exposed their raw emotions. To INTPs, this is the crux of the problem: emotions must be dealt with logically—because improperly handled emotions, INTPs believe, can only harm
Another insight...Cohorts have reason to believe that Albert Einstein was an INTP..ahem, that explains a lot of things...:-))
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