What Makes The World Go Round?

This week has been manic! A VIP visit in our patch, a mid term review, hourly meetings, telecons, zero carb lunches, tummy crunches and an MBA project which I can never get down to starting!! Whew!

But I finished the week with a conversation so refreshing... Brought my faith back in mankind. Gosh, genuine people are rare and I am happy I know one of them.....

I got out of office with a smile on my face Friday evening and headed to Oxford Bookstore, my favourite haunt when in a good mood. Just browsing around and I did not find anything particularly interesting. Suddenly, near the cash counter I saw a basket filled with tiny bound books...generic stuff about cats, sisters, and other inane things, My glance rested awhile on a small gold coloured cover which had multicoloured hearts in it.

The title...'Love makes the world go round' a Helen Exley giftbook....Intriguing, especially for me for whom words like 'love' and 'relationships' mean nothing except looking back in anger....

However, I made this tiny purchase to understand what the whole great concept of love was about. If you may have noticed, I have never mentioned the word 'love' in this blog, except once, since I have never understood what it is. I particularly dislike the l-word because it comes with inherent boundaries, which limits the whole idea of something beautiful. Then there are questions of what one means, one says and one does.....They necesarily not always match...Really dicey.

However, on my way back home, I riffled through the pages and here are some lovely lines which I did not expect. Some were corny, but some really genuine... So here goes..




Love lives the moment; it's neither lost in yesterday nor does it crave for tomorrow. Love is NoW!

Age does not protect you from love. But love to some extent, protects you from age.

To love someone is to be the only one to see a miracle invisible to others.

Love is the poetry of the senses.

Couple who love each other tell each other a thousand things without talking.

I see her everyday and always see her for the first time.

And finally....

Love consists in this: that two solitudes protect and touch and greet each other...

Many languages, one feeling

Modern India completes 62 years. A slow process of ageing, but no real maturity, is only one way to describe it. Many interpretations of high GDP growth rates, but how many people pulled up from below poverty line? We don't know. So what do we do with these empty numbers?

This blog headline symbolises my country as also myself. People speak different languages, have different cultures, but for those who are special, there is only one feeling.

I had been pondering over some valuable advice given to me recently. I do take some advice quite seriously as I am doing with this. I was asked to learn a new language.. Persian or Urdu and for the first time in my life, I am giving it a thought. Three Persian/Urdu words today which are special to me Falak (Sky, infinity) Fanaa (perdition) and my most favourite Aqueedat (devotion, adoration).

And here are some words which come to me when I think of the adviser


Kind
Caring
Comfortable
Confident
Trustworthy
Safe
Soul
Peace

What's your type?

I recently underwent a very interesting psychometric test which gave me a lot about myself I did'nt know.

The Myers Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI) which gave the verdict that I was INTP. Stands for Introvert, Intuitive, Thinking, Perceptive. A strange mix, if contradictory, I personally think. But this is one of the 16 personality type found in human beings.

A lot of my colleagues were surprised to find that I was an introvert. That goes to show how successfully I have worked at reaching out to people and socialising when I would rather be at home, sitting on my favourite chair, reading a book or pottering at my blog....

All my readers who have undergone this test, please comment with your type and that will help me know you better. :-) I realise now that most other people who I have thought to be kindred souls have been introverts.

Here is a snapshot for knowing the real me as spelt out in Wikipedia...

INTP types are quiet, thoughtful, analytical individuals who enjoy spending long periods of time on their own, working through problems and forming solutions. They are curious about systems and how things work. Consequently, they are frequently found in careers such as science, architecture, and law. INTPs tend to be less at ease in social situations or in the "caring professions," although they enjoy the company of those who share their interests. They also tend to be impatient with the bureaucracy, rigid hierarchies, and the politics prevalent in many professions. They prefer to work informally with others as equals.

INTPs organize their understanding of any topic by articulating principles, and they are especially drawn to theoretical constructs. Having articulated these principles for themselves, they can demonstrate remarkable skill in explaining complex ideas to others in simple terms, especially in writing. On the other hand, their ability to grasp complexity may also lead them to provide overly detailed explanations of "simple" ideas, and listeners may judge that the INTP makes things more difficult than they are. To the INTP, however, this is incomprehensible: They are merely presenting all the information.

Given their independent nature, INTPs may prefer working alone to leading or following in a group. During interactions with others, if INTPs are focused on gathering information, they may seem oblivious, aloof, or even rebellious—when in fact they are concentrating on listening and understanding. However, INTPs' extraverted intuition often gives them a quick wit, especially with language. They may defuse tension through comical observations and references. They can be charming, even in their quiet reserve, and are sometimes surprised by the high esteem in which their friends and colleagues hold them.

When INTPs feel insulted, however, they may respond with sudden, cutting criticism. After such an incident, INTPs are likely to be as bewildered as the recipient. They have broken the rules of debate and exposed their raw emotions. To INTPs, this is the crux of the problem: emotions must be dealt with logically—because improperly handled emotions, INTPs believe, can only harm

Another insight...Cohorts have reason to believe that Albert Einstein was an INTP..ahem, that explains a lot of things...:-))

Are dreams for real?

My soul starvation days seem to be back. Endless routine, practical chores make my mind a spinning wheel. The buzz, the whirl and no real contact with my true self has made my soul breathless for its personal oxygen. More than just two weeks ago, my soul felt as if it had taken a swig from the fluted sparkling glass called life and here I am devoid of anything that brings a smile to my face.

I know its just the start of the week, but I am bracing myself for the silent phase that might strike. The phase that cuts off my personal oxygen and leaves me gasping for breath....

It is therefore not coincidental that I went back to reading the first chapter of Brian Weiss's book..'Only Love Is Real'. Some lines are uncanny and I reproduce them here because I can relate to these lines completely.

'He may not recognise you, even though you have finally met again, even though you know him. You can feel the bond. You can see the potential, the future. But he does not. His fears, his intellect, his problems keep a veil over his heart's eyes. He does not let you sweep the veil aside. You mourn and grieve, and he moves on. Destiny can be so delicate. When both recognise each other, no volcano can erupt with more passion.'

Another line I can completely identify with: 'A sudden feeling of familiarity, of knowling this new person at depths far beyond what the conscious mind could know...a feeling of safety and a trust far greater than could be earned in only one day or one week or one month'...
So, is reality a dream or is my dream a reality?

Living Life in Compartments

Its not been easy, and it perhaps happens with everyone else. But there are times I feel I don't know who the real me is. I feel I am lost or maybe lost myself in the many roles I play?

I am sure many of you can relate to it. My life feels like a train chugging towards an unknown destination and there are compartments where I see many selves of mine.

First...a daughter to my mum. She lives with me, loves me and my kids, drives me nuts, but I love her all the same. I try to be her strength, but fail sometimes, especially when it comes to restoring her emotional health vis a vis my sisters who is battling cancer.

Second...a mum to my two daughters. This is perhaps the best role I enjoy. The best part is both of them have a massive sense of humour, so we are all a riot together!

Wife....Hmmm..here is something I guess I need to work on.

Co-worker.....Extremely turf conscious but a team worker nonetheless.

Friend..Confidante to many, but cannot suffer fools and fakes easily! Need more patience. Value honesty more than anything else....

Bewildered....a smothered soul, breathless for personal oxygen, starving for soul food..

But in all these roles, where is the real me? I also see no connection between all of them, and that is what worries me.

There are times when I want to piece tgether these splinters and get the complete picture. Mind you, these are splinters, not part of a jigsaw. What will this true picture look like? Not a horror, I hope. Perhaps I should periodically call an AGM of all the varied selves.

Lots to ponder about, buddy!

Coping as a Caregiver

I have been the primary caregiver for two intensely suffering patients in my life. Caregiving became a continuous job for me for around 4 to 5 years. At a relatively early age, at that. When I was all of 29 years, I had to nurse my ma-in-law who had come to stay with us and a couple of months later, she had been diagnosed with a terminal stage of liver cirhossis. I started with being the primary caregiver....had hired a day nurse, worked the whole day at office...I was a journalist with a frontline business daily, came back home and resumed my duties as a night nurse, stayed up nights, tended to bed sores and other accompanying chores. I used to wash her hair, bathe her, feed her food and medicines when the day nurse would play truant and generally be responsible for monitoring the daily ups and downs. During this period, I realised what a challenging job this is. It scoops out whatever perseverence and determination you have to do the job. It was an emotional and physical rollercoaster and you do end up feeling your efforts are not taken cognisance of. You feel frustrated and unappreciated. Natural...but you need to realise what goes on through the mind of the terminally ill patient. The cocktail of medicines plays havoc with their system and physiologically induces depression, irritability and has more to do with their bodies than their heart and mind. The caregiver as a result, goes through the same mental stress the patient undergoes, but in a milder way.

My second role was even more challenging.. Around the time my ma-in-law passed away, my other half had been diagnosed with trigeminal neuralgia, an extreme condition of facial pain...and for three years I ran from pillar to post trying to find the correct diagnosis for his condition, till I took him to the US and he underwent a complicated brain surgery and came out of it completely (Touch wood). Ditto for my role as caregiver.

Such issues now arise with my sister. I am the only one in the family who has seen all this from close quarters. My role is now to counsel the caregivers...be patient. The patient is not really angry with you but at his/her own helplessness. And this is compounded by extreme suffering and despair and so takes it out on the closest target..the caregiver. One needs to be patient, to persevere, to look after one's own emotional health in order to cope. A tall order, but not insurmountable, nevertheless. After all, you are doing it for yourself. And its really between you and God anyway. In the end, love conquers all.

Seeing with the heart

I promise I shall post a poem soon, as my trip to the UK like the last one has been a learning experience...

I was presented this little book calld 'The Little Prince' by Antoine De Saint-Exupery and I went through the 90-odd pages during my flight back home.

This jogged my memory about a movie I had seen quite some time ago called 'Meenaxi: A tale of Three Cities' and the catch phrase was 'Jo Dikhta Hai Woh Nahi Hai, Jo Nahi Dikhta Hai, Woh Hai', which in Hindi means 'Whatever is visible does not exist and whatever is not visible, exists'...Confusing?...but so true! It was an arty movie created by one of India's most celebrated painters M F Husain and it had my favourite actress Tabu in it. Obviously the movie sank without a trace at the Indian box office, but who should watch it, but me, the appreciator of all inane but meaningful things in life?

'The Little Prince' said something similar....and what struck me is what the fox said when he parts from the prince...'It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye'.

What struck me was another piece of conversation: 'And I have no need of you. And you, on your part have no need of me. To you, I am nothing more than a fox like a hundred thousand other foxes. But if you tame me, then we shall need each other. To me, you will be unique in all the world. To you, I shall be unique in all the world...'

But what does taming mean between two persons?.....any definitions?