Friday, 19 June 2009

Keeping the Faith

I have never been religious...have read the scriptures but in a limited sort of a way. My interactions with God have mostly been daily conversations, actually monologues from my side, which I know He hears and the results are the testimony. But today things are a bit different. I now know why we need religion or specific methods to pray for specific problems. I am desparate to say the right prayers for the right effects, but am at a loss.

I need prayers to alleviate the sufferings of an ailing elder sister. The apple of the eye of my parents, a pink doll born to my mother 55 years ago and been the soul of our family of four sisters. The romance in her marriage to one of the few good men I have seen in my life is still intact. A mother of two beautiful, grown up successful children.

I live in hope. I see hope in her tired eyes, hope is everywhere. The day she is able to eat more than a couple of morsels of food is a happy day for me. I was with her to hold her hand through the tough diagnosis and the despair in the doctor's voice. But hope lives in me.I try to prise open crevices of hope from granite walls of despair, I cling to the new tender, green leaves of hope caught in the vise-like grip of deadened vines of despair.

I have faith in the Almighty and understand it is not his business to give us clues to his plans. We must pass the test of our patience and faith. I pray, but in my own way...different from the people of my faith. I talk to Him, intense, desperate, one-sided conversations. It unburdens my heart, heals my bruised soul, which I am sure will turn into showers of blessings for my sister.

In the faith, each day I live...