Wednesday, 5 August 2015

Soul travel and beyond

The past one month has been blessed. I got a feel of the glorious European summer. First London, then Vienna, then back to London. Warm, colourful, beautiful, passionate!


Vienna was enchanting, but my whistle-stop tour made it short as I had to get back to London for work and more! The Hafsburg Palace, Schonbrunn Palace, Naschmarkt and many other things that were quaint and beautiful. I even found a 1940s meat mincer, an exact replica of the one I had seen in my grandma's place and which my mother inherited.


In Vienna, over schnitzels and aperol, I spent lovely weekends in the twilight with childhood friends. And I bought the famed 'sacher torte' back to London and India. In fact I had my first sacher torte with a very dear friend, who had first mentioned about it to me, on my return to London in what seemed to be a magical evening. Its amazing how, spending a relaxing time with close friends can be so therapeutic. Never felt so relaxed and rejuvenated in my life!


Back home in India and a week later, I was off to the wonderland called Kashmir, this time with family. There are times I wondered how the Almighty had been extra generous and liberal to Kashmir
when it came to doling out natural beauty. Flowers, fruits, nuts, valley, rivers, lakes, forests- everything was in abundance. A pity that such beauty now has become synonymous with terror and danger.


Srinagar, Dal Lake, Pahalgam, Aru Valley, Betaab valley Jehlum (yes, that's the correct pronounciation) and its tributary Lidder were only the few places I could see. Sonemarg and Gulmarg are still left but a must see on my itinerary.


My travels have touched my soul but the magic I felt is inexplicable. Only I know why.









Monday, 1 June 2015

The cycle of life and of love

There I go again. Each time I see you I realise what I am missing in life. I've been working at it for months - to move on and accept my lot in life. But no! The minute I set my eyes on you after a gap of several months,  the familiar ache and longing returns. I want to kick myself for it!


So am I going to spend the rest of my life in this state, while I watch you live yours happy and content with what you've been blessed with? Why do you make me less appreciative of what I already have?


I have explained to myself over and over again. Its a meaningless fantasy, a dangerous game which will uproot our respective worlds and take it apart. Also there's no content to anything except what I feel. An imaginary world of mine which doe not exist in its physical form.


Wish I could take a pill and be cured of you forever! Why, why, why!!!



Monday, 25 May 2015

Eternal

After many months, I was reminded of the poem by the bard of the east.


Unending Love

I seem to have loved you in numberless forms, numberless times…
In life after life, in age after age, forever.
My spellbound heart has made and remade the necklace of songs,
That you take as a gift, wear round your neck in your many forms,
In life after life, in age after age, forever.
Whenever I hear old chronicles of love, it’s age old pain,
It’s ancient tale of being apart or together.
As I stare on and on into the past, in the end you emerge,
Clad in the light of a pole-star, piercing the darkness of time.
You become an image of what is remembered forever.
You and I have floated here on the stream that brings from the fount.
At the heart of time, love of one for another.
We have played along side millions of lovers,
Shared in the same shy sweetness of meeting,
the distressful tears of farewell,
Old love but in shapes that renew and renew forever.
Today it is heaped at your feet, it has found its end in you
The love of all man’s days both past and forever:
Universal joy, universal sorrow, universal life.
The memories of all loves merging with this one love of ours -
And the songs of every poet past and forever.
~Rabindranath Tagore

Monday, 11 May 2015

Yes, I am fine, but....


Its been several years now from the mess I found myself in. Picked up the pieces, moved on, tried to make a success of my life and myself, pretended as if relationships have been on a even keel. Funny how things actually seem like it, when you pretend. When you want to scream and pull your hair out, but maintain a serene and even beatific expression, no one can gauge the storm within. Yes, success has not eluded me. A good worker, wife, mother, daughter and even sister. All boxes ticked. But why do I want more from my life? What do I want? The restlessness is back but in milder measure. Must be the beta blockers or is age catching up? What seems steady and calm still has a measure of the turbulence within. Will I go through life and youth unable to quell the stirrings within?

Wednesday, 21 January 2015

Lost and found


Lost and Found I am lost in time Forgotten in mind Broken in heart Soul in shards But then I dwell In you In every cell Every breath Fibre, beat and sinew