Sunday, 20 January 2008

Line of Control

Helooo there all the makhnas and soneyas! It has been quite some time since I contributed anything to my bloggernama!

The turn of the year does this to me---letting go and making fresh new beginnings is a fulltime job na?

Paparazzi is at work and papparazoes are in the news ala Britney Spears (poor thing, my heart goes out to her). Anyway more about her in my subsequent blogs.

The Shahid-Kareena break up was the talk of the tinsel town, and the new handsome jodi of Saif-Kareena created quite a flutter. Newsprint had its dedicated reams to why Shahid-Kareena split and there was some talk of Shahid's stringent does and donts for Kareena, which stifled her.

Anyway, whatever the cause of the breakup, it is none of our business. But this left me thinking....

I can only give the feminine side of the viewpoint as I am a woman. My male readers are welcome to put forth their point of view. What I am going to say is mostly common to both genders. I know several of my friends who live within controlled relationships without even knowing it. No, not the 'Agnisakshi' kind of control---Husband Nana Patekar was a control freak of the worst order to wife Manisha Koirala in a movie made about 12 years ago (ughhh, shudder...)

In the guise of love and affection, most husbands/male partners call the shots in relationships full of does and donts. Turn vegetarian, dont expose, dont cut your hair short, dont be vivacious, dont speak with male friends, dont work or do cook , do clean, do iron my shirts, do take fulltime care of the kids, do compromise on your job are some such codes of conduct which become set in stone over the years.

Next is cultural control. My culture is superior to yours, you are not grounded, you seem rootless, you lack conviction, your accent and language is inferior to mine. so much so that the woman actually starts believeing that something is seriously wrong with her and tries her best to mould herself to the man's wishes only to be snubbed time and again.

By the time the woman realises this, it is too late. She is completely entangled in the web of the does and donts and cannot break the shackles.

Men could feel equally stifled in relationships---No wonder sons sound like daughters-in-law and daughters forget their own relationships and start sounding like sons-in-law!

The only way out is to understand and identify that you are being controlled, early in the relationship and take suitable measures like walking out of the relationship or telling him exactly what you think---- that nothing is wrong with you---it is he who is wrong for trying to pin you down, as he in his heart of hearts knows you are the stronger one--your inner strength scares him and he does his best to put you down.

Believe in you own strengths and capabilities, try and cross the line of control and all will be right with the world.


MUSER said...

Brave words but difficult for most Indian women to follow. They first have to be financially and emotionally secure to be able to dump their husbands. The catch words that would come into play if a woman ever thinks of walking out on her marriage are, 'what about my financial future?' (most of them are not economically independant), 'what about my kids' future?' 'will I be able to handle the stigma of a 'divorcee' attached to me?' 'will my daughters be able to get good matches?'
Not many women, however gutsy they may be, have the ability to walk out on an oppressive marriage.
Solution: 1. Girls should be educated and equipped with a professional/trade degree/certificate 2.They should have a secure job 3.Efforts should be made to verify the antecedants and nature of the man the girl is about to marry (I know this is easier said than done).
I wish the boors realise that one day, their daughters may also be subjected to the same kind of obnoxious treatment that they mete out to their hapless wives.What goes around comes around.

honestinjun said...

Yeah. I agree. That is why I said it is essential to identify and understand that one is being controlled early in the relationship----Most of us are controlled without even knowing it. Future generations need to be made aware of this, how unknowingly you get enslaved within a relationship---where you only give and give in, never take your due. And I am not talking money--just understanding.

MUSER said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
MUSER said...

I understand what you are trying to get at. It happens all the time to suit men's selfish needs; very, very covertly... alost like a secret pogrom with a well defined agenda. Even educated, working women fall victim to it. I can cite so many cases. It is high time these shackles are broken...however,it is a daunting task.

honestinjun said...

Secret agenda...pogrom--it is. Definitely is...