Tuesday, 21 July 2009

Is this love?

The past week has passed off in a whirl, a roller coaster of group discussions, strategising, brainstorming for salvaging the fortunes of a fictional ice cream manufacturing organisation called Gelati. So much so that I shall now think twice before having an ice-cream!

But at the same time, I came across this delightful article which answered a lot of questions I had on my mind, and I came out of it feeling quite contented...

An article by Isabella Kratz which describes how it is possible to have an unspoken relationship without doing the traditional time-tested rites...So here goes:

First of all, let's figure out what love is not. It's not abuse, intimidation, harassment, manipulation, physical or emotional violence. It says in the Bible that love is always kind and patient. So forcing someone to do something against his or her will is not love, it's control. And the urge to control comes from fear, a fear of being rejected or of not getting something.

The opposite of love is not hate; it's fear. When fear is present, love is not possible, because fear will block it. A lot of people are afraid to love. They're afraid of being hurt or disappointed. But rejection will only hurt you if you reject yourself. It you love yourself unconditionally, unrequited love will not affect you negatively, because you will not dwell on it. You will quickly get over it and focus on finding someone who will reciprocate your affection. Your most important love affair is with yourself. It you don't love yourself, you can't really love anyone else. So make peace with yourself today and forgive yourself for everything you've ever done.
Scientists have proven that falling in love is a chemical reaction. Hormones create confusion in your body, and you believe that you've finally found your soulmate. Your heart rate increases, you blush and start shaking when he or she talks to you. You can't sleep at night and you can't eat, which is great if you want to lose weight. Or you do the opposite and become an emotional eater, stuffing yourself with chocolate to put this person out of your mind - at least for a while.

It would probably be easier to begin a relationship without being in love, because your emotions wouldn't wreak havoc and you would keep a clear head. This chaos is not always a nice feeling, as it can bring to the surface insecurity, which can lead to pain and suffering. Being in love is mostly a sexual feeling. People are attracted to each other physically, which is normal, as we are programmed that way. But if being in love is being in lust, then according to statistics, it doesn't last. The feeling evaporates after a few years. The madness of ripping each other's clothes off becomes a memory, as well as the luxury of staying in bed all day making love.

It is possible to be in love without having sex. Platonic love can be intimate and affectionate, without being sexual. More than physical attraction, love is about respecting and understanding each other. It's about trust and accepting the other person exactly as they are. You can fall in love instantly, but will it last? Isn't love at first sight an illusion, as I only see what I want to see? Then reality hits. I'm in for a big shock, because this man or this woman who seemed perfect now has a lot of defects. And he or she probably thinks the same about me. We're both disillusioned, and even the sex doesn't keep us together any more, as the physical passion has evaporated.

Love is commitment. It grows over time, when people are there for each other. When they listen and try to understand each other. Talking is important. It's okay to have disagreements, as long as they don't degenerate into nasty fights. Too many arguments can destroy love, Even though every relationship has its ups and downs, too many arguments can destroy love. Of course, we will fall in and out of love numerous times with our partners. Sometimes the feeling of love is less intense, almost absent. But it doesn't mean it's all over. The flame of passion can be rekindled at any time. If you don't give up, you can create the love you want. Passion is a strong desire to make the relationship work, but both partners need to be willing to give it a go.

Dating someone you love like a friend means you're compatible on more levels than just the physical one. True love is similar to friendship. The important thing is to establish trust and good communication. Sex is an added bonus, as it is the culmination of your love for each other. But even without sex, it is possible to have a relationship, as long as there is affection and true understanding, and a willingness to share. In all relationships, people will eventually fall out of love over time. People who are together just because they are in love - or in lust - may realise years later, when sex diminishes or becomes inexistent, that they have nothing else in common to keep the relationship going.

A desire to give and receive love will lead us towards a satisfying relationship, in which commitment plays the biggest role. Sex is not compulsory. The main ingredients are trust, acceptance, understanding, respect and appreciation. These can be found in friendship as well, which is why friendship is the best foundation for true love.

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