The heavens opened up at last and the first drops of rain fell on the parched earth and cooled the boiling air....And with the falling raindrops I have found my words back...each word, a drop falling into this blog, my ocean of feelings and innermost thoughts.
The last week has been hectic yet deeply fulfilling. Her student visa is to be collected on Monday and the visa officer who scrutinised her documents surprised her by saying he knew me....strange..I didnt not know him, but on investigation found he had stamped my visa to Japan, around 12 years ago....
My daughter was quite impressed and I very embarassed when my colleagues ribbed me of having a recall value which spanned 12 years!! The diplomatic mission where I work has become a second home to my daughters. They drop in and out of it and that is their comfort zone. And not to forgot the gorgeous hot chocolate they get from the instant coffee machine.
Last week was of intense dreams, very symbolic. I had met my school best friend Ruby after 25 years, as we had left our school and gone to different cities after Class X. She is now based in the US and had come to town for her parents' golden jubilee celebrations. So much had happened in these years but we bonded and unloaded our lives to each other. She was always the practical one between the two of us...I the more dreamy and perceptive. She counselled me and asked me not to distract myself after illusions but to focus on real things that touch my everyday life. Will I take her advice? I shall not be me if I stop dreaming. And I have not neglected my everyday routine. Maybe I did not make myself completely clear?
After I met her and the day my daughter's visa interview went off successfully, I dreamt that I was in the US in my friend's house and we were cooking. She had asked me to prepare 'gaajar ka halwa' a sumptuous North Indian sweet dish, a must after winter dinners. And while I was making it, grated carrots, sugar, milk et al, I suddenly found myself adding vanilla, flour, cream and whisking it to a fine dough! She asked me what the hell was I doing and I told her the halwa had turned into a carrot cake dough!!
I then put it into the oven and baked it and it turned out to be a fine carrot cake! On waking I tried to analyse the dream, and felt the only explanation would be that while I had brought up my daughter as an Indian kid, she is now poised for Americanisation. How much more symbolic can a dream get?
So sweetheart, tell me your dreams....
Sunday, 13 June 2010
Monday, 7 June 2010
The King and Four Wives
I came across this story and thought my readers may like to read this one....Its soul again.....
Once upon a time there was a rich king who had four wives. He loved the fourth wife the most and adorned her with rich robes and treated her to the finest delicacies. He gave her nothing but the best.
He also loved the third wife very much and showed her off to neighboring kingdoms. However, he feared that one day she would leave him for another.
He also loved his second wife. She was his confidante and she was always kind, considerate and patient with him. Whenever the king faced a problem, he could confide in her to help him get through the difficult times.
The king's first wife was a very loyal partner and had made great contributions in maintaining his wealth and kingdom. However, he did not love the first wife but although she loved him deeply, he hardly took notice of her.
One day, the King fell ill and he knew that his time was short. Thus, he asked the 4th wife, "I have loved you the most endowed you with the finest clothing and showered great care over you. Now that I'm dying, will you follow me and keep me company?"
"No way!" replied the 4th wife and she walked away without another word.
Her answer cut like a sharp knife right into his heart.
The sad king asked the third wife, "I have loved you all my life. Now that I'm dying, will you follow me and keep me company?"
"No!" replied the 3rd wife. "Life is too good! When you die, I am going to remarry!"
His heart sank and turned cold.
He then asked the 2nd wife, "I have always turned to you for help and you've always been there for me. When I die, will you follow me and keep me company?"
"I'm sorry, I can't help you out of this time!" replied the 2nd wife. "The very most, I can only send you to your grave."
Her answer came like a bolt of thunder and the King was devastated.
Then a voice called out: "I'll leave with you and follow you no matter where you go."
The king looked up and there was his first wife. She was so skinny, because she suffered from malnutrition. Greatly grieved the King said, "I should have taken better care of you when I had a chance!"
Our 4th wife is our BODY. No matter how much time and effort we lavish in making it look great, it'll leave us when we die.
Our 3rd wife is our POSSESSIONS, STATUS and WEALTH. When we die, it will all go to others.
Our 2nd wife is our FAMILY and friends. No matter how much they have been there for us, the furthest they can stay by us is up to the grave.
Our 1st wife is our SOUL, often neglected in pursuit of wealth, power and pleasures of the ego. However, our Soul is the only thing that will follow us wherever we go. So cultivate, strengthen and cherish it now! It is your greatest gift to offer the
Once upon a time there was a rich king who had four wives. He loved the fourth wife the most and adorned her with rich robes and treated her to the finest delicacies. He gave her nothing but the best.
He also loved the third wife very much and showed her off to neighboring kingdoms. However, he feared that one day she would leave him for another.
He also loved his second wife. She was his confidante and she was always kind, considerate and patient with him. Whenever the king faced a problem, he could confide in her to help him get through the difficult times.
The king's first wife was a very loyal partner and had made great contributions in maintaining his wealth and kingdom. However, he did not love the first wife but although she loved him deeply, he hardly took notice of her.
One day, the King fell ill and he knew that his time was short. Thus, he asked the 4th wife, "I have loved you the most endowed you with the finest clothing and showered great care over you. Now that I'm dying, will you follow me and keep me company?"
"No way!" replied the 4th wife and she walked away without another word.
Her answer cut like a sharp knife right into his heart.
The sad king asked the third wife, "I have loved you all my life. Now that I'm dying, will you follow me and keep me company?"
"No!" replied the 3rd wife. "Life is too good! When you die, I am going to remarry!"
His heart sank and turned cold.
He then asked the 2nd wife, "I have always turned to you for help and you've always been there for me. When I die, will you follow me and keep me company?"
"I'm sorry, I can't help you out of this time!" replied the 2nd wife. "The very most, I can only send you to your grave."
Her answer came like a bolt of thunder and the King was devastated.
Then a voice called out: "I'll leave with you and follow you no matter where you go."
The king looked up and there was his first wife. She was so skinny, because she suffered from malnutrition. Greatly grieved the King said, "I should have taken better care of you when I had a chance!"
Our 4th wife is our BODY. No matter how much time and effort we lavish in making it look great, it'll leave us when we die.
Our 3rd wife is our POSSESSIONS, STATUS and WEALTH. When we die, it will all go to others.
Our 2nd wife is our FAMILY and friends. No matter how much they have been there for us, the furthest they can stay by us is up to the grave.
Our 1st wife is our SOUL, often neglected in pursuit of wealth, power and pleasures of the ego. However, our Soul is the only thing that will follow us wherever we go. So cultivate, strengthen and cherish it now! It is your greatest gift to offer the
Friday, 14 May 2010
So true
"Friends are like the walls of a house. Sometimes they hold you up, sometimes you lean on them. But sometimes, it's enough to know they're just standing by!"....I can relate to this for a special someone..
And the best one so far...
'Whatever our souls are made of, his and mine are the same......'
And the best one so far...
'Whatever our souls are made of, his and mine are the same......'
Saturday, 8 May 2010
Appreciation therapy
This blogpost is quite random...The last week was packed with activity...work of course, preparing for an outreach event in Guwahati (groan). Never been there, but I am told its a sleepy old town in the north east of India. Wonder what business opportunities we are going to get? But since the leadership wanted a visit, so be it...
The next item on the agenda was the dilemma...my daughter was caught between where to go for undergrad studies...Iowa or Maryland? Have been scouting for visa information, bank statement and proof of funds organised and sent to the universities and now awaiting the eligibility certificate from one of the two...phew, quite a whirl. The greatest negative side effect was that I could not concentrate on my book. But yes, I have done the outlines of 4 of the six stories...so that takes care of the plots. But what else can an almost single mother do, who is a perfectionist? I hate micro managing and micromanagers, but my daughter is convinced i have an OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder) which is definitely an exaggeration on her part!
A large part of my time was also spent shopping for my daughter....clothes, clothes and more clothes. The boutiques have been doing brisk business on me and my daughter just got lucky...jeggings, tights, shrugs, tops, denims skirts ...mostly in plain solid colours like purple, bottle green, navy blue. Some pinks and reds too. Tall at almost 5'5", my daughter looks striking (touch wood) I am a proud mother, though I dont show it and she thinks I am her greatest critic.
There is another person whose greatest critic I am and that is I, me, myself. I am alarmed at the rate I am putting on weight. Almost two kilos in two months. So now its going to be back to no carb lunches every alternate day. Steamed veggies, salads, fruits and no chocolates for a month. Although there has been no let up in my walks and work outs, it is the intake that needs to be curtailed. Must nix this hand and mouth disease at the root.
And last, it was such a wonderful feeling when I helped out the daughter of someone who is so dear to me with some useful information. It was a small help, but the appreciation I got for it is incomparable to anything other appreciation I have ever received. Indeed the joy of helping springs from the appreciation you receive for doing it. This appreciation, so genuine and heartfelt is precious and is going to live in me forever. It makes me feel so good to myself. I helped someone, but in the process, I helped myself. It felt like much needed therapy.
Can I ever thank the Almighty enough for giving me a bit of heaven on earth?
The next item on the agenda was the dilemma...my daughter was caught between where to go for undergrad studies...Iowa or Maryland? Have been scouting for visa information, bank statement and proof of funds organised and sent to the universities and now awaiting the eligibility certificate from one of the two...phew, quite a whirl. The greatest negative side effect was that I could not concentrate on my book. But yes, I have done the outlines of 4 of the six stories...so that takes care of the plots. But what else can an almost single mother do, who is a perfectionist? I hate micro managing and micromanagers, but my daughter is convinced i have an OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder) which is definitely an exaggeration on her part!
A large part of my time was also spent shopping for my daughter....clothes, clothes and more clothes. The boutiques have been doing brisk business on me and my daughter just got lucky...jeggings, tights, shrugs, tops, denims skirts ...mostly in plain solid colours like purple, bottle green, navy blue. Some pinks and reds too. Tall at almost 5'5", my daughter looks striking (touch wood) I am a proud mother, though I dont show it and she thinks I am her greatest critic.
There is another person whose greatest critic I am and that is I, me, myself. I am alarmed at the rate I am putting on weight. Almost two kilos in two months. So now its going to be back to no carb lunches every alternate day. Steamed veggies, salads, fruits and no chocolates for a month. Although there has been no let up in my walks and work outs, it is the intake that needs to be curtailed. Must nix this hand and mouth disease at the root.
And last, it was such a wonderful feeling when I helped out the daughter of someone who is so dear to me with some useful information. It was a small help, but the appreciation I got for it is incomparable to anything other appreciation I have ever received. Indeed the joy of helping springs from the appreciation you receive for doing it. This appreciation, so genuine and heartfelt is precious and is going to live in me forever. It makes me feel so good to myself. I helped someone, but in the process, I helped myself. It felt like much needed therapy.
Can I ever thank the Almighty enough for giving me a bit of heaven on earth?
Monday, 19 April 2010
Spring cleaning
In India there is no such thing as spring. Four months of winter and nature loses no time in switching on the summer button. And this year, it has switched on the hi-heat button and things are melting and wilting all around me. Well, this post is not about the weather alone. (Most people talk about the weather when they have nothing else to speak about, but in these days of climate change, plenty to speak about...!)
This weekend I was doing some much needed sprucing up of the house. New curtains ordered, with some new upholstery thrown in. Great new bed linen in black and white, so soothing during the summer.
My daughter got involved in cleaning out the shelves with me, sorting, tossing and throwing useless stuff. She is a thrower, while my hubby is a stower and me somewhere in between. So my judgement was needed in what to keep and what to throw. She connected with so may forgotten childhood stuff. A pair of ghungroos(anklets with bells) when she went for Kathak classes when she was tiny, laminated pictures of her as a baby with Mother Teresa blessing her, odds and ends, each of which had a story behind it. She will be carrying the anklets and the Mother's pictures with her to University this fall.
While I was much into the heat and dust of the cleaning, I came across several photographs of myself in various stages in the last twenty years, most of which were spent in anguish, loneliness and betrayal. Its uncanny, but I did not want to keep any of the photographs which reminded me of the times that have passed. Is it possible to slice off a large portion of the past and survive? Vacuum out the muck and purge your soul? May be an unpleasant past has taught me to sift through life and identify people, places, activity which make me happy?
You can spring clean your house, but can you spring clean your life?
This weekend I was doing some much needed sprucing up of the house. New curtains ordered, with some new upholstery thrown in. Great new bed linen in black and white, so soothing during the summer.
My daughter got involved in cleaning out the shelves with me, sorting, tossing and throwing useless stuff. She is a thrower, while my hubby is a stower and me somewhere in between. So my judgement was needed in what to keep and what to throw. She connected with so may forgotten childhood stuff. A pair of ghungroos(anklets with bells) when she went for Kathak classes when she was tiny, laminated pictures of her as a baby with Mother Teresa blessing her, odds and ends, each of which had a story behind it. She will be carrying the anklets and the Mother's pictures with her to University this fall.
While I was much into the heat and dust of the cleaning, I came across several photographs of myself in various stages in the last twenty years, most of which were spent in anguish, loneliness and betrayal. Its uncanny, but I did not want to keep any of the photographs which reminded me of the times that have passed. Is it possible to slice off a large portion of the past and survive? Vacuum out the muck and purge your soul? May be an unpleasant past has taught me to sift through life and identify people, places, activity which make me happy?
You can spring clean your house, but can you spring clean your life?
Friday, 16 April 2010
The North and South of it
Media frenzy caught up with me last week and day before when I was in Delhi, I was still switching channels in my hotel room, with my eyes leaden with sleep. Every channel had the same story....Modi-Tharoor face-off. Quite a potboiler....money, power, fame, corruption and of course muck and sleaze. I must say the minister's lady love is quite a stunner. Yet another North beauty smitten by a suave, powerful South-Indian man.....Quite a Kashmir to Kanyakumari story, this....
I believe, men from the north of India and the south of India come from different planets. My few close north Indian friends married to Southern men swear by their choices. Apparently these guys are programmed differently...to better understand, appreciate, humour and manage relationships, which their north Indian brethren seem remotely related to. Well, I would'nt know about this, obviously. And good for my friends...sigh!
I was on an overnight trip to Delhi for an annual meeting of the core group I belong to, and was pleasantly surprised to find I had been upgraded to the executive suite of the Taj Mahal (previously Taj Mansingh) in New Delhi. That was really the high point!
And while I pored through scores of latest fiction at the airport book stores both in Kolkata and Delhi, I resisted my buying urges...I have imposed an embargo on myself...not to read any fiction till I complete my book. A tough one, it certainly is, but I don't want to colour my writings or get influenced by other writers that would mar my originality. This seems egoistic, but this leads to hard work. No wonder Shobhaa De says book writing is a grunt job, not an ego trip. I shall have to spend nights mulling over my ideas, desperately imagine conversations and settings, twists and turns of plots, balancing melodrama with restrained writing. God help me!
At this stage however, I think I am ready. I hope this will stop me thinking about impossible things all the time......
I believe, men from the north of India and the south of India come from different planets. My few close north Indian friends married to Southern men swear by their choices. Apparently these guys are programmed differently...to better understand, appreciate, humour and manage relationships, which their north Indian brethren seem remotely related to. Well, I would'nt know about this, obviously. And good for my friends...sigh!
I was on an overnight trip to Delhi for an annual meeting of the core group I belong to, and was pleasantly surprised to find I had been upgraded to the executive suite of the Taj Mahal (previously Taj Mansingh) in New Delhi. That was really the high point!
And while I pored through scores of latest fiction at the airport book stores both in Kolkata and Delhi, I resisted my buying urges...I have imposed an embargo on myself...not to read any fiction till I complete my book. A tough one, it certainly is, but I don't want to colour my writings or get influenced by other writers that would mar my originality. This seems egoistic, but this leads to hard work. No wonder Shobhaa De says book writing is a grunt job, not an ego trip. I shall have to spend nights mulling over my ideas, desperately imagine conversations and settings, twists and turns of plots, balancing melodrama with restrained writing. God help me!
At this stage however, I think I am ready. I hope this will stop me thinking about impossible things all the time......
Tuesday, 13 April 2010
From the heart
Came across some good quotes o twitter and FB.
'Does love really exist or is it just an illusion in our mind? A feeling of comfort for oneself?'
'Nothing ever becomes real till it is experienced'....Keats
'I've stopped fighting my inner demons. We're on the same side now'
'There should be a better way to start a day than waking up every morning.'
And the best one yet:)
'They call our language the mother tongue because the father seldom gets to speak.'
'Does love really exist or is it just an illusion in our mind? A feeling of comfort for oneself?'
'Nothing ever becomes real till it is experienced'....Keats
'I've stopped fighting my inner demons. We're on the same side now'
'There should be a better way to start a day than waking up every morning.'
And the best one yet:)
'They call our language the mother tongue because the father seldom gets to speak.'
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