As people grow older, they tend to become more traditional in their thoughts and action, tend to do conformist stuff and fit in, if not for themselves but for the children. They mouth the same jargon that their parents or even grand parents said because it is becoming and expected.
But for some reason, this is not happening with me. Since I was barely out of my teens my thoughts have been rebellious, against sterotypes, questioning roles and expectations. While I was brought up to be independent, even existentialist in my thoughts, the dilemma was strong in my parents generation. I toed the traditional line, not because I wanted to, but my love for my parents far outweighed ny rebellious streak. The fear of hurting them was paramount on my mind and therefore I followed what was expected of me, unquestioningly. As a result, I bottled up my thoughts, thought of all my real troubles as imagined and went about life as if there was nothing wrong.
This was perhaps the beginning of my living in two parallel universes...one the real world and its relationships and the other my imagined preferred planet, where my existentialist ideas coexisted with my creativity...going always for the sensitive, unspoken, underlying ideas..so much so that I am now a closet poetess and exactly two people in the world know about this talent of mine.
And recently I learnt a very simple lesson in English literature. Why do most fairy tale romances start with 'Once upon a time' and end with 'happily ever after'? Simple, unlike real life incidents they do not have a sense of time and place. Actually therefore, romance does not exist in the real world. Pragmatism is fine with me day to day, but what about my existentialist, make believe universe?
I hope this makes some sense to my readers....
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